on the road too long
A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."
keeping in under the kilt
In Scotland, the most
important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to
purchase and wear his first kilt.
A couple of weeks before,
his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted
for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make
me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of
matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"
So the tailor took the
material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed.
A few days later, the tailor
called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear,
and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it
in case you want anything else made of it."
So the lad rushed home with
his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he
decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase.
Unfortunately, in his
excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.
When his girlfriend
answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "well, what'd ye think?"
"Ah, but dat's a fine
looking kilt," she exclaimed.
"Aye, and if ye like
it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show
here.
;Oh, but dat's a
dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly.
Still not realizing that he
didn't have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, "aye, and if ye like it,
I've got five more yards of it at home!"
college rules
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
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