Sexuality jokes

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Sexuality


hard sleepin'
 
 
If a light sleeper can't sleep with a light on, can a hard sleeper sleep with a hard on?
two old ladies burning rubber
 
 
Two old ladies were standing on a street corner smoking cigarettes. It started to rain and one lady said, 'Great, now I'll have to put this out.'

The other lady said, 'No you don't, i have some cigarette covers here.'

She proceeded to take a trojan out of her purse, cut the end off and put it over her cigarette. The other lady asked, 'Where did you get that?'

The second lady replied, 'Just go to the drug store and ask for some condoms.'

The next day the first lady went to her local drug store and said to the clerk,'I'd like some condoms please.'

The clerk replied,'What size please?'

The lady said, 'One big enough to fit a Camel.'

s&m sans rubber suits
 
 
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.

Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"

Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."

Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have quessed that you would go for that."

"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

eternal judgment
 
 
Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck by lightning on the same day. All three find themselves in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They start begging him to give them another chance at life. St. Peter agrees but on one condition: they each have to give up something they truly enjoy.

Ru Paul says, "I really love men, but I will give up screwing around with them."

Bill Gates says, "I really love money, but I will give up all the money I have."

Ebert says." I really love food, but I'll give up pizza."

Soon, all three find themselves back on Earth. They start walking down street feeling very grateful. Suddenly, Ebert spots a pizzeria. He smells the aroma and can't help himself — he runs in there and eats a slice of pizza. POOF! He disappears.

Ru Paul and Bill Gates are astonished and agree that that won't happen to them. So they resume walking down the street when Bill Gates spots a shiny, new quarter. He thinks that if he picks it up, he can found a new company and become fabulously wealthy again. He bends down to pick up the quarter and POOF! Ru Paul disappears.


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