Sexuality jokes

Q: Why do they make glow in the dark condoms?

A: So that gay men can play Star Wars.

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."

A man was having an affair with a married woman. When her husband had gone to work, her secret lover came 'round. Just as they got down to business, the door bell went. The woman went and peered out of the curtains to see who it was.

"Oh no, it's my husband, he must have forgotten something."

The woman went downstairs, and the man jumped out of the window before he was seen. He was totally starkers, so hid behind a bush. About an hour later, a nudist group ran by, doing a marathon. He quickly jumped up, and joined them.

After a while, he got talking to one of them, "So how long have you been a nudist?" a man asked him.

"Not long" he replied "what about that?" the other man said to him, pointing to the condom the man was wearing.

"Oh, it was raining when I came out" the man replied.

A man is away on business, at a convention for marvellous machines. He found a long corridor lined with machines and decided to try a few. The first he came to was called 'The Wonder Cut'. He inserted his money and did as he was told to do by the instructions. He lay back in the chair and after a few minutes the machine stopped and he hopped out of the chair, with the best hair cut he had ever had.

Further down the corridor he came to a machine that said, 'For the best shave every insert here', so he inserted his money in and place his face in the slot. And sure enough his face had the best shave he had ever had.

He walked on down the corridor until he came to the last machine. It said 'for the man who has been away from his wife for a long time and is in dire need.. The rest of the words were rubbed of but he got the general idea. He made sure no one was looking and inserted his money, undid his fly and placed his 'thing' in the hole. The machine rumbled and after a few minutes of extreme pain he withdrew his thing from the hole with a new shiny button neatly sewed on the end.