Animals jokes

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what are ya, chicken?
 
 
Why'd the chicken cross the road?

To show the blonde how!

a real watch dog
 
 
A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, "Sir, what are you doing!?!"

The man turned toward the teller and said, "Oh, nothing - just looking around."

you filthy f***ing parrot
 
 
There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot by the throat,shakes him really hard, and yells, 'QUIT IT!'. This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says 'OK for you' and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses words Lenny Bruce and George Carlin NEVER thought about trying to use in their acts. Then suddenly, it gets VERY quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt or deeply chilled. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says,'Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.' The man is astonished. He can't understand the transformation that has taken place. Then the parrot says, 'By the way, what did the chicken do?'
kitty & lady find l-o-v-e
 
 
One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says that she is there to give her three wishes.

'I wish I was 21 and beautiful!' The wish is instantly granted.

'I wish I had a million dollars!' The wish is granted.

'I wish that my cat here were the most handsome guy in the world and was madly in love with me.' The wish is granted. The now young lady and her man go inside. They start to cuddle, and the man looks at her.

'Aren't you upset that you had me fixed?'

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