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chicken wire & duct tape
 
 
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. 'Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"It's a pussy willow."

"Wait up...I'll get my hat."

gorilla removal
 
 
A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone who's a gorilla expert.

When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua and a pair of handcuffs. The man says,'What are all of those for?'

The animal control officer says, 'I'll climb up in the tree, knock the gorilla down, the dog will bite him in the nuts and you must slap the handcuffs on his wrists.'

The man asks,'What is the gun for?'

The animal control officer responds, 'If I fall first, you shoot the dog!'

ducks and elephants
 
 
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
To put out burning ducks.

return the dog
 
 
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one. The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”

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