Animals jokes

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parrot talk
 
 
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, 'That parrot repeats everything he hears.'

'That's alright,' the man replied.

So the man bought the parrot and left the store.

As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber.

The cop hollered to his partner, 'Shoot him down, shoot him down!'

Then the parrot said, 'Shoot him down, shoot him down!'

They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen.

The man said, 'Pop it up, pop it up!'

The parrot said, 'Pop it up, pop it up!'

They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, 'Hit a big one, win a prize!'

The parrot said, 'Hit a big one, win a prize!'

Then they walked into a church and sat down.

The minister was in the middle of the sermon.

He said, 'The Lord is above us.'

The parrot said, 'Shoot him down,shoot him down!'

The minister said, 'The devil is below us.'

The parrot said, 'Pop it up, pop it up.'

Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him.

The parrot said,' Hit a big one, win a prize!'
jumping rope
 
 
Two teenagers were walking through a park when they saw two rabbits getting it on, fast and furious.

"What are they doing?" asked the girl.

"They're jumping rope," said the boy. "Maybe I'll teach you how someday."

"I think I want you to teach me now," said the girl. So the two went behind some bushes and started getting it on. When the boy had his pants down, the girl asked what that was behind his "rope."

"That," said the boy, "that's my knot."

"Well," said the girl, "untie the knot and give me some more rope."

sheep soup
 
 
There was a man with a restaurant near a construction site. The construction workers usually had their lunches in there, their favourite meal being beef soup.

But one day the chef ran out of meat and in his panicked state he ran out the door in the hope of finding a ride to town. After noticing that there was no vehicles nearby he sadly started walking back to his restaurant. Upon nearing the construction site he saw a sheep tied up on a pole nearby. He was so happy that he untied the sheep and proceeded to his place.

At lunchtime the construction workers walked in and ordered their favorite soup.

During the meal, the guys started exclaiming in delite that the soup tasted extremely good today and asked what was the reason for that. The chef was pleased and proceeded to tell them about his predicament. Everyone stopped eating with a dazed look on their faces.

The chef asked, "What's the matter boys, did I screw up the cooking?"

"No." replied the foreman of the construction team, "you cooked up the screwing."

fleas
 
 
What do you call 2 fleas on top of a bald head?
Homeless.

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