Animals jokes

The dog will stop barking once you let it in!

The loan officer says, 'My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'

'Yeah,' says the frog. 'I'd like to borrow some money.'

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. 'Okay,what's your name?'

The frog replies, 'Kermit Jagger.'

'Really?' says the loan officer. 'Any relation to Mick Jagger?'

'Yeah, he's my dad.'

'Hmmm,' says the loan officer. 'Do you have any collateral?'

The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, 'Will this do?'

The loan officer says, 'Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'

'Oh, tell him I said hi,' adds the frog. 'He knows me.'

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, 'Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'

The manager says: 'It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.'

So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it."

Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand. About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went "ape" and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.

In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind him and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.

The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla!

This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said, "Tag! You're it!"

A bulldozer.