Animals jokes

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fish eye
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?

A: A "FSHhh"

robins in my yard
I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins laying down in the sun. I let my talking cats out and the kitten said to her mom, 'I'm hungry!' So the mother cat said, 'What would you like?' The kitten replied, 'I don't know!'

Then the mother cat looked at the robins and said, 'How about some basking robins?'

unbearable lightness of being
One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that baby bear was going to live with mama bear.

Baby bear started to cry . "Whats wrong?" the judge asked baby bear.

"I dont want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!" said baby bear.

"Then, you can live with papa bear" said the judge.

Baby bear started to cry even harder the judge asked him, "Whats wrong?" Baby bear replied, " I dont want to live with papa bear he abuses me even more than mama bear does."

"Then who do you want to live with?" asked the judge.

Baby bear replied, "I want to live with the Baylor Bears, because they don't beat anyone!"

the golden mug
A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on a shelf above the bartender and it said “Win beer for LIFE!” The man walked up to the bartender and asked “how do I win this golden mug?” The bartender replied, “See that drunken man over there? Knock him out in one punch. See that dog? He has a toothache but noone can get the tooth out. Take the tooth out. See that old lady? She hasn't been screwed in a while so...screw her.”

The man walks over to the drunk man and knocks him out with one punch. Then, he goes over to the dog and brings him into the back alley. The bartender hears some noises and then the man comes back in with a pair of pliers and says, “Where's the old lady with a toothache?”

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