Animals jokes

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dead dog
A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next to the bed on the floor. He doesn't believe his dog is dead, so he takes him to the vet, and the vet says, 'I'm sorry, but your dog is dead.' The man doesn't believe him and says, 'I want a second opinion.'
The doctor goes into the back and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog and bites it and says to the vet, 'Meeoowrr.' The vet says again, 'I'm sorry, sir, your dog is dead.'
The man says, 'No, I want another opinion.'
So the doctor brings out a Laborador Retriever and he jumps all over the dead dog and tugs at it and barks at it and says to the vet, 'Rrrrr.' The vet says, 'I'm sorry, sir, but your dog is dead. that will be 500 dollars.'
'$500 to tell me my dog is dead?' asks the man.
'Well,' the vet replies, 'I'm 100 dollars, the cat scan was 300 and the lab test was 200 dollars.'
mommy almost died
One day this little girl's dad came home and she runs up to him.

"Daddy, the cat died today!"

"Well, darling," said the dad. "That's just something that happens."

"But why are his arms and legs up in the air?"

"Well, darling, that's just something they do." She takes the death fairly well and doesn't mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.

"Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I came downstairs and I heard her screaming 'Oh Jesus, take me, take me!' And she had her ams and legs up in the air and if it hadn't been for the mailman tring to revive her she would have died."

termite fun. yep, termite fun.
What did the termite say when he walked into the bar?

Where is the bar tender?

dog butt
If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave its butt and tell it to walk backwards!

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