Animals jokes

Everyone in the pro-shop started laughing. After a moment, the newest pro at the club and the longest hitter in the area spoke up, "I gotta see this!" he said. "You know, what? I'll take you up on that wager! Meet you on the first tee."

When they reached the 585-yard par-5 first tee the trainer led the gorilla to the tee box, put a driver in his hands, set a tee in the ground. The gorilla did the rest.

Sure enough, he smashed his drive right down the middle and clear out of sight. When the ball finally came to rest it was on the green -- 6 inches from the cup.

The pro was astonished. "That's incredible!" he exclaimed. "How did you train him to hit the ball like that!" There's no need for me to tee off. I couldn't beat him with a stick. Here's your money."

As the pro walked off the green, still shaking his head, he turned back to the trainer and said, "Oh, by the way, how does he putt?"

The trainer responded,"Just like he drives: 500 yards. Right down the middle. Every time."

The loan officer says, 'My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'

'Yeah,' says the frog. 'I'd like to borrow some money.'

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. 'Okay,what's your name?'

The frog replies, 'Kermit Jagger.'

'Really?' says the loan officer. 'Any relation to Mick Jagger?'

'Yeah, he's my dad.'

'Hmmm,' says the loan officer. 'Do you have any collateral?'

The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, 'Will this do?'

The loan officer says, 'Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'

'Oh, tell him I said hi,' adds the frog. 'He knows me.'

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, 'Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'

The manager says: 'It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.'

'Hey, nice ass!'

Because they live in schools!