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the praying parrot
 
 
A middle aged woman lived alone except for her pet, a male parrot. The woman was very proud of her parrot because it would sit in the bottom of its cage, cross its wings, and pray. She was also a devout church goer and would often brag to the congregation about her faithful parrot.

One day the women was boasting about her parrot's prayers. An older gentleman was simply amazed by this. 'I have a female parrot and she's just terrible. My son raised her and all she does is curse. She's the most foul mouthed creature I've ever heard,' he sighed. 'Maybe if we put my parrot with your parrot he would teach mine how to pray and stop cursing so much.'

The woman readily agreed to this and a few days later the gentleman brought his parrot by. The woman's parrot sat praying in the bottom of the cage as they placed the female inside with him. The parrot instantly stopped praying, hopped up, looked the female over and shouted, 'Hot damn!! This is what I've been praying for!!'

blonde & turtle
 
 
Q: What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?

A: They're both screwed on their back.

the aging explorer
 
 
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'"

get him off me or i'll sue!
 
 
What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A Doberman pinscher.


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