Animals jokes

How do you stop a dog who's humping your leg?
Whack him off!

Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?"

"I was blowing bubbles." The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."

He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me quess — you were blowing bubbles too?"

"No, I'm Bubbles."

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, 'That parrot repeats everything he hears.'

'That's alright,' the man replied.

So the man bought the parrot and left the store.

As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber.

The cop hollered to his partner, 'Shoot him down, shoot him down!'

Then the parrot said, 'Shoot him down, shoot him down!'

They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen.

The man said, 'Pop it up, pop it up!'

The parrot said, 'Pop it up, pop it up!'

They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, 'Hit a big one, win a prize!'

The parrot said, 'Hit a big one, win a prize!'

Then they walked into a church and sat down.

The minister was in the middle of the sermon.

He said, 'The Lord is above us.'

The parrot said, 'Shoot him down,shoot him down!'

The minister said, 'The devil is below us.'

The parrot said, 'Pop it up, pop it up.'

Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him.

The parrot said,' Hit a big one, win a prize!'

What do JFK Jr. and a penguin have in common?
They're both cute as hell and can't fly!