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chicken crossfire
 
 
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan answers this question: "To steal a job from a decent , hard-working American."

Dr. Seuss answers this question: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why? It's not been told."

Grandpa answers this question: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."

And Colonel Sanders answers this question: "I missed one?"

snake bite
 
 
"I hope I'm not poisonous," said the first snake.

"Why?" asked the second.

"Because I just bit my lip."

ba ba black sheep
 
 
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."


 
 
Three women die and get to heaven, and St. Peter greets them at the door and says, "Once you get into heaven, you mustn't step on any ducks." The women find this request very strange, but they agree, and enter heaven.

Once they get in, it's wall to wall ducks. A day goes by and the first women steps on the duck. St. Peter comes back with this old, smelly, fat, ugly man and chains them togther saying, "For stepping on a duck, you have to spend forever chained to this man."

Another day goes by and the second women steps on a duck, and St Peter comes back with another old, smelly, fat, ugly, man and chains them togther and says, "For stepping on a duck you have to spend forever chained to this man"

The third women sees this happening and doesn't want this to happen to her. So a month goes by and she hasn't stepped on a single duck. St. Peter comes back and chains her together witjh this really handsome man and walks away. The third women says, "How come I have the pleasure of being chained to you?"

The handsome man replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."


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