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grizzly bear warning
The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin...

"Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.
We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
millionaire's party guest
A millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday.

During the party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "The man who dares to swim across that pool gets any of my riches he desires."

The party continues with no one in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man swimming as hard as he can. The fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and yet this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him but somehow this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word. Anything of mine I will give. My Ferrari's, my house, absolutely anything. For you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir, what will it be?"

The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!"

helen keller's dog
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Wouldn't you if your name was 'Aarghunghnah?
what is red and green?
What is red and green and goes 100 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender

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