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an elderly lady phoned her telephone company
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

the ant
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?

A. Because he was pissed off!

the fly
Why did the fly fall off the toilet?

It got pissed off.

who's that dog?
There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. 'Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, 'Nope.' As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, 'I thought you said your dog didn't bite!' The old man muttered, 'Ain't my dog.'

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