Animals jokes

'Once there was husband and wife who had just bought a new mule. They were walking it down the street when the mule trips over a stone. The husband says, “That's one!”
They walk some more, when the mule trips over a stone again and the husband says, “That's two!”
Then the mule trips over a stone again. The husband says, “That's three,” and shoots the donkey!
The wife gets so mad and start's cursing at the husband and saying, “That was are only donkey! You were an idiot to shoot it!”
The husband says to his wife, that's ONE!”

Q: Why does a dog lick himself?

A: Because he can't make a fist.

A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, 'Dad, what happened to the birdie?'

His dad told him, 'Son, the bird died and went to heaven.'

Then the boy asked, 'Did God throw him back down?'

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.

"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."

"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."

"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."

A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald -- the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton -- the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert -- you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."