Animals jokes

Jokes » animals » jokes 149

Animals


skipped church lately?
 
 
One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting.
When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, 'Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian.'

And at that instant…the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, 'Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!'

it's not for him, stupid
 
 
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

planet of the apes: secrets revealed
 
 
* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that humans are not only "as innovative as they are cruel," but pretty vain as well.

* Wahlberg's neglect in removing his shirt through the entire film reveals his kinship with the teen demographic: BACKNE SUFFERERS.

* Fox Marketing Department determined that the ideal garment for a young ape's human pet is a peach-colored dress.

* All inflamed baboon buttocks in the film were edited out.

* Most extras were actually disgruntled gorillas out of work since the movie "Congo."

* Kris Kristofferson's surly acting style is a result of the neverending pain of "Millenium"'s failure at the box office.

* The imagery of the Ape army's red tents taken straight from biblical writings dealing with how women were separated from the tribe during their periods. (Charlton Heston's idea.)

* Helena Bonham Carter's clothing came under-budget through some seamstress' creativity and Rue McClanahan's wardrobe. Her wildly trendy haircut however, accounted for %15 of the film's budget.

* According to ape acting union, the "Ape" Lincoln Memorial had to be scrubbed down with monkey feces in order to get rid of foul human odor.

Submitted by: David J. Bleecker
E-mail: DBLEEKER@nyc.rr.com

lightbulb... mice
 
 
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, if they're small enough.

Page 150 of 155     «« Previous | Next »»