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planet of the apes: secrets revealed
 
 
* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that humans are not only "as innovative as they are cruel," but pretty vain as well.

* Wahlberg's neglect in removing his shirt through the entire film reveals his kinship with the teen demographic: BACKNE SUFFERERS.

* Fox Marketing Department determined that the ideal garment for a young ape's human pet is a peach-colored dress.

* All inflamed baboon buttocks in the film were edited out.

* Most extras were actually disgruntled gorillas out of work since the movie "Congo."

* Kris Kristofferson's surly acting style is a result of the neverending pain of "Millenium"'s failure at the box office.

* The imagery of the Ape army's red tents taken straight from biblical writings dealing with how women were separated from the tribe during their periods. (Charlton Heston's idea.)

* Helena Bonham Carter's clothing came under-budget through some seamstress' creativity and Rue McClanahan's wardrobe. Her wildly trendy haircut however, accounted for %15 of the film's budget.

* According to ape acting union, the "Ape" Lincoln Memorial had to be scrubbed down with monkey feces in order to get rid of foul human odor.

Submitted by: David J. Bleecker
E-mail: DBLEEKER@nyc.rr.com

a ton of pinching?
 
 
What weighs 2,000 pounds and pinches?

An elephant wearing a tight tuxedo!

centipede and parrot
 
 
Q: What do you get when you cross a centipide with a parrot?
A: A walkie-talkie.
2 hedgehogs in the middle of the road
 
 
Two hedgehogs are in the middle of the road and they're by a zebra crossing. One says, "Don't cross here!"

The other one says, "Why not?"

The first one says, "Look what happened to this zebra!"


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