Animals jokes

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says that she is there to give her three wishes.

'I wish I was 21 and beautiful!' The wish is instantly granted.

'I wish I had a million dollars!' The wish is granted.

'I wish that my cat here were the most handsome guy in the world and was madly in love with me.' The wish is granted. The now young lady and her man go inside. They start to cuddle, and the man looks at her.

'Aren't you upset that you had me fixed?'

Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl?

A: He got pissed off.

Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes.

His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"

His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!"

What do you call a dog that hears voices?

A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!