Animals jokes

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Animals


three strikes you're out
 
 
A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of horses. When one of the hoses stumbled, he said, "That's once."

Then it stumbled again. He said, "That's twice."

Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn't say anything, just pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse dead.

His wife cried out and started to yell at him. The farmer turned to her and said, "That's once."

the penguin
 
 
A penguin was driving his car down the highway when steam began to pour out of the hood. He pulled into a repair shop and asked the mechanic to fix his car. The man said to come back in half an hour. So while he waited the penguin went across the street to the bar, and ordered a glass of milk. Since penguins don't have hands to hold glasses, he spilled some milk on his beak. When he returned to the mechanic, he asked what was wrong with his car. The mechanic said it looked like he blew a seal.
doggone it
 
 
What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?
Ruff!
a kangaroo walks into a bar. he tells the...
 
 
A kangaroo walks into a bar. He tells the bartender, "Blood is the lipstick of all wounds."

The bartender does not know how he said this, or why.


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