Animals jokes

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Animals


kid and animals
 
 
There was this teacher who was teaching young kids the different types of animals, she showed them the picture of a giraffe, and asked them what it was. Nobody answered..so she gave them a clue, 'It has a long neck.' One kid answered, "Giraffe!" Pleased, the teacher showed a picture of a zebra. Nobody answered it again, so she gave them a clue. 'This animal has stripes.' "Zebra!" one kid answered. So she put up another one, that of a deer. The teacher could not think of a clue..but suddenly she came up with one!..she asked them 'what does your mother call your father?' Suddenly one child got up and answered 'HORNY BASTARD!'
the hamster show
 
 
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.

"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

c'mere pig
 
 
What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?

Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do!

poof! you're a dog.
 
 
How do you make a cat be a dog?

Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'


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