Animals jokes

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"

Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."

And the bartender says, 'Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.'

What did the little birdie say when he flew over Pic & Sav?
Cheap, cheap, cheap.

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly,
"Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, 'I'll have that monkey please'. The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying, 'That'll be $5000'. The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, 'That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did he cost so much?' The shopkeeper answered, 'Ah, that monkey can program in 'C' very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.' The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. 'That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does he do?' 'Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; he can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,' said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of his own. The price tag around his neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, 'That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does he do?' The shopkeeper shrugged and said, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't actually seen him do anything, but he says he's a SAP consultant.'