Animals jokes

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parrot talk
 
 
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, 'That parrot repeats everything he hears.'

'That's alright,' the man replied.

So the man bought the parrot and left the store.

As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber.

The cop hollered to his partner, 'Shoot him down, shoot him down!'

Then the parrot said, 'Shoot him down, shoot him down!'

They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen.

The man said, 'Pop it up, pop it up!'

The parrot said, 'Pop it up, pop it up!'

They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, 'Hit a big one, win a prize!'

The parrot said, 'Hit a big one, win a prize!'

Then they walked into a church and sat down.

The minister was in the middle of the sermon.

He said, 'The Lord is above us.'

The parrot said, 'Shoot him down,shoot him down!'

The minister said, 'The devil is below us.'

The parrot said, 'Pop it up, pop it up.'

Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him.

The parrot said,' Hit a big one, win a prize!'
the rabbit and the bear
 
 
A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he has lived all his life and into a real forest. Since he lived in the magical forest he has magical powers. He sees a bear chasing a rabbit and thinks to himself, this isn't right, everyone should live in peace. So he stops the bear and rabbit and tells them that if they stop chasing each other he'll give them both three wishes.

The bear thinks for a second and wishes that all the rest of the bears in the forest were female. Poof, all of them are female. Next the rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. The bear looks at the rabbit wondering why he would want a crash helmet.

The bear thinks for a second making sure he makes a good second wish and wishes that all the rest of the bears in the country were female. Again -- poof -- all the rest became female. Then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Now the bear steps back and looks at the rabbit in amazment. How dumb is this rabbit he thinks to himself. All he had to do was wish for money and he could buy all the motorcycles he ever wanted. This has to be the dumbest creature the bear has ever seen, he thinks to himself.

It is time for the bear's final wish and he takes a second to think and makes sure he doesn't waste it. After a minute he wishes that all the other bears in the whole world were female. And again poof they are all female.

Next the rabbit puts on his helmet and jumps on the bike. He turns around and smiles. Then he says, 'I wish that that bear is gay.'

sleeping squirrel
 
 
Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?

To keep his nuts warm!

birdie poem
 
 
Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

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