Animals jokes

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They're totally unpredictable.

4. They whine when they are not happy.

5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8. They're moody.

9. They leave their hair everywhere.

10. They drive you nuts.

Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.

That night when the football player was just getting settled, he heard a voice. He listened and heard it again and it said, 'If the log rolls over we all will drown.'

With that he ran out of the room screaming.
The next night a woman came in and wanted a room. The manager did not argue with this because there were still no rooms left except for that one. So she got the key and went to her room. As she got settled in she heard, 'If the log rolls over we all will drown.' She walked around and realized it was coming fron the bathroom. She looked in the toilet and saw three ants singing on a turd, 'If the log rolls over we all will drown.'

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"