Animals jokes

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gorilla control
 
 
A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."
regular toad and horny toad
 
 
What's the difference between a regular toad and a horny toad?

One says, 'Rib-it, rib-it,' while the other says, 'Rub-it, rub-it.'

two blondes and two mice
 
 
There were two blondes as roommates and they both bought mice. When they got home the first blonde said, "How are we going to tell them apart?"

The second blonde said, "Why don't we take one and chop off one of its legs?"

But during the night the mouse with four legs said to the mouse with three legs, 'That's not fair -- I want three legs too.' So the mouse with three legs told him to eat one of his legs. And so he did.

The next morning the blondes were upset about this so they did the same thing as the day before. But again the mouse with three legs ate one of his legs. This went on until both mice had no tails and legs. Then one of the blondes shouted, 'All right, that's it! You take the black one and I'll take the white one!'

bar... talking dog
 
 
A dog walks into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool and puts his front paws on the bar. He looks the bartender right in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I'm a talking dog. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink for the talking dog?"

The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Alright. The toilet's right around the corner."


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