Animals jokes

A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.

Once they get in, it's wall to wall ducks. A day goes by and the first women steps on the duck. St. Peter comes back with this old, smelly, fat, ugly man and chains them togther saying, "For stepping on a duck, you have to spend forever chained to this man."

Another day goes by and the second women steps on a duck, and St Peter comes back with another old, smelly, fat, ugly, man and chains them togther and says, "For stepping on a duck you have to spend forever chained to this man"

The third women sees this happening and doesn't want this to happen to her. So a month goes by and she hasn't stepped on a single duck. St. Peter comes back and chains her together witjh this really handsome man and walks away. The third women says, "How come I have the pleasure of being chained to you?"

The handsome man replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

"It's beautiful!" cried the man, "Does he do any tricks?"

"Yes he does," answered the salesman. "If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'"

"Amazing!" exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.

"Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?" asked the wife. The man smiled and said, "Watch this."

Then he lit a match and put it under the bird's right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'

"That's incredible! Does he do anything else?" the wife asked.

"I don't know, lets see," replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the bird's legs.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire."