Animals jokes

What do cows read in the morning?

The daily moos!

Three bears came out of hibernation and they were stinky so they decided to take a bath. When they get into the bathtub, the last bear says to the first bear, 'Can I have the soap?'

The first bear says to the second bear, 'Who does he think I am -- a radio?'

Did you get it??

Well you aren't suppose to!! When you tell this to a friend get some people to laugh when you say the joke, so the friend looks stupid when they don't get it. Sometimes they will say they get it but they can't cause there is no point. So have fun with it.

Q: Did you hear about the magic tractor?

A: It drove down the lane and turned into a field.

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (212) 555-DIET" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?" "Twenty pounds," he replies. "We'll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator. About 9 a.m., there's a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading "If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me." The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He's lost 20 pounds! That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds." "We'll send someone over." The next morning, he's greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads "If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me." The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he's lost 50 pounds! That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 100 pounds!" "Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That's an awful lot." The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!" About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads "If I catch you…"