Animals jokes

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capon fear
 
 
Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken?

Far from being a proverbial chicken, this deeply disturbed fowl suffered from chronic depression and social anxiety disorder, usually treated with a combination therapy of Luvox and Paxil.

knock knock... roxanne
 
 
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Roxanne Roxanne who? Roxanne corals sure do make this aquarium pretty.
gorilla in heat
 
 
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem was that she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla.

So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla for five hundred bucks?

Mike replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.

The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her."

"Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?

"Well," said Mike, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks."

the housebroken redneck
 
 
You might be a redneck if when you walk the dog you both use the same bush.

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