Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


healthier menus
 
 
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads hamburger: $1; cheeseburger: $2; hand job: $10. He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter. "Can I help you?" she asks with a knowing smile. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your hands," he says. "I want a cheeseburger."
ode to valentine's day
 
 
Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is that schtuff for
People get mushy and start acting queer
It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.

This day needs to get the hell over with and pass.
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week.

Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade…
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a bunch of $#!+.

So there's my story... what can I say…
Love bites ass... SCREW VALENTINE'S DAY!

three guys go to heaven
 
 
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.

"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.

"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw my wife."

"So?"

"She was riding a skateboard."

woman -vs- computer geek joke
 
 
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a computer?

A: Women don't take 3 1/2' floppies.


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