Men And Women jokes

The father can't do it. He thinks of all the questions his son will have. He tries again, “Son them two dogs are…” He stops again and decides to wait until the boy is older.

“Son, you see that dog on top, well his two front paws are hurt and that dog on the bottom is helping him home.” The son turns to his father and says, “You're right dad, that is a very important thing in life to learn.” The dad asks, “Do you know why that is, son?”

The son replies, “Because every time you try to help someone out you always get screwed.”

She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. 'Where the hell have you been?!?!' she screaches.

'Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.'

'Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!'

She sees his hands are covered with powder and says, 'You liar! You went bowling again!'

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, quite inebriated, around midnight each night.

He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And every time this happened, his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out and always coming home in a drunken state. But Merle just continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior and was particularly distraught by it all.

The friend listened and said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? Then he might change his ways."

The wife thought that this might be a good idea.

That night, Merle took off again after dinner. And at about midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition.

His wife heard him at the door. She quickly opened it and let Merle in.

Instead of berating him as she had always done, this time she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat Merle down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to Merle, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?"

At that, in his inebriated state he replied, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!"