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The bartender asked what happened.
The sailor said, "My boat sank. I was adrift for 3 days when I saw a mermaid."
She said, "I will grant you three wishes."
The sailor continued, "I wished there was a boat and suddenly I heard 'toot toot' for there was a boat on the horizon. Then I wished I looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and I did."
Then I said, "I wish you would give me a little head."
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9. You say, "Do you think that lawn is gonna mow itself?" But then it does
8. Your child gets busted shoplifting a newt
7. Can turn lead into gold, but he can't remember to take out the trash .
6. He wears shiny red satin robes -- and you're just praying he's a wizard
5. Favorite discount electronics chain: The Wiz
4. Refers to Halloween as "amateur night"
3. He's only 12, but somehow he's dating Gwyneth Paltrow
2. His homework ate the dog
1. You catch him in the bathroom polishing his wand
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