Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women

top 10 things only women understand
  1. Cats' facial expressions.
  2. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
  3. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
  4. Fat clothes.
  5. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
  6. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell.
  7. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
  8. Eyelash curlers.
  9. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
  10. Other women.
efficiency expert
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. 'You don't want to try these techniques at home.'

'Why not?' asked someone from the back of the audience. 'I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,' the expert explained.

'She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'

The voice from the back asked, 'Did it save time?'

The expert replied, 'Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.'

ode to the perfect man

The perfect man is gentle,
And never cruel or mean.
He has a perfect smile,
And is always neat and clean.

The Perfect Man likes children,
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a caring father,
And good husband to his bride.

The Perfect Man loves cooking,
He will clean and vacuum too.
He'll do what's in his power
To show his deep-felt love for you.

The Perfect Man is sweet,
Writing poems with your name;
He's a best friend to your mother,
And will kiss away your pain.

He never has made you cry
Or caused you hurt in any way.
To hell with this endless poem and rhyme,
The Perfect Man is gay.

condom size tester
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

"What size?" asks the clerk.

"Gee, I don't know."

"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.

"What size?" The kid embarassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

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