Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


gas grill
 
 
A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, 'Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.'

Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. 'Yep,' he said,' just what I thought, just about the same size.'

The wife became incensed and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, 'How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?'

The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. 'What's the matter?' he asked.

She replied, 'You don't think I'm going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?'

10 things men won't say
 
 
  1. Let's watch Lifetime!
  2. Sex is overrated.
  3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
  4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
  5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
  6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
  7. My hips are too big.
  8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
  9. Does this suit make me look fat?
  10. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
six hours to live
 
 
After a visit to the doctor, a man returns home and tells his wife he has approximately six hours left to live. Of course, they go straight to bed and have some amazing, athletic sex. Half an hour later, the man asks his wife if they can have sex again. They do, and it's even more vigourous and ferocious sex. An hour later, the man asks his wife for sex again, and they have a ball-busting, rib-breaking round of sex. An hour later, the man wants it again.

"No way," says the wife. "I have to get up in the morning. You don't."

real men
 
 
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while, one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed.

"What happened then?" they asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"


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