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One day John walks over to the fence of Sam's yard and sees Sam's wife watering the garden naked. The next day he tells Sam about this. So Sam wants revenge. That night he catches John's wife performing oral sex on John.
The next day Sam comes up to John and says, 'Hey, I saw your wife performing oral sex on you last night.'
'Hah,' John says, 'I wasn't home last night!'
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John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married, did you?
Bob: I'm not sure. Remind me -- what was your wife's maiden name?
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The girl was sweating.
Then he took off his pants and said, 'This is another 1,000 pounds of dynamite.'
By now, the girl wanted to jump on him. Then he took off his boxers and the girl started to run for the door.
The guy asked, 'Whats wrong? Where are you going?'
The girl said 'With 2,000 pounds fo dynamite and such a short fuse, I thought you were going to blow.'
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After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
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