Men And Women jokes

Did you here about the 80 lbs. man with the 40 lbs. testicles?

They say he was half nuts.

John and Sam are two neighbors always in competition.
One day John walks over to the fence of Sam's yard and sees Sam's wife watering the garden naked. The next day he tells Sam about this. So Sam wants revenge. That night he catches John's wife performing oral sex on John.
The next day Sam comes up to John and says, 'Hey, I saw your wife performing oral sex on you last night.'

'Hah,' John says, 'I wasn't home last night!'

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him.

As she sat by him, he said, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?'

'What, my dear?' she asked gently.

'I think you bring me bad luck.'