Men And Women jokes

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.

The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, 'I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in.'
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.
'Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,' he laments, 'and she doesn't even know how to drive!'
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. 'Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it,' he chuckles. 'My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a penis!'

'Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.'
'Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone!'
'Man who run behind car get exhausted'
'Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day'
'Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.'
'Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok'
'Man with one chopstick go hungry.'
'Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.'
'Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.'
'Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!'
'Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.'
'War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.'
'Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.'
'Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.'
'Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!'
'Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!'
'It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.'
'Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!'
'Man who sit on tack get point!'
'Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!'
'Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.'
'He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.'
'Man who farts in church sits in own pew.'
'Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion'.
'Crowded elevator smells different to midget."

One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty dollars to buy meat.
"Are you crazy?" says the husband, who pulls her over to a mirror. "Let me show you something? This twenty-dollar bill is mine. The one in the mirror is yours. Get it?" The wife nods. The next day, the husband returns home to find a freezer full of meat. Angry, he asks his wife about it. She pulls him over to the mirror and lifts up her skirt.
"See the one in the mirror? That's yours. This one is the butcher's."