Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


snow off-white
 
 
What is pink and has 7 dents?

Snow White's cherry!

toilet training
 
 
How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?

I don't know, it's never been done.

what men want
 
 
  1. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
  2. Vitamin fortified cigars.
  3. Public beer fountains.
  4. Kitty catapults.
  5. All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.
  6. Wet T-shirt Fridays.
  7. Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.
  8. Rocket boots.
  9. Machine gun camp.
  10. NASA space shuttle races.
  11. Sledgehammer boxing.
  12. Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments.
  13. Congressional pie fights.
  14. Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero.
  15. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
  16. Tomahawk missile surf boards.
  17. Hot tub jury boxes.
  18. Nacho cheese lipstick.
  19. Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.
  20. New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America's Funniest Farts.
  21. 24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.
  22. More beer. More cheese. More sex.
  23. Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when used.
  24. Inflatable sex dolls who cook.
  25. Beef jerky business cards.
  26. Combination briefcase/pizza oven.
  27. National Make-Out with Cheerleaders Day.
  28. Art museums dedicated to framing copy-machine faxes of asses.
  29. Robot gloves for crushing kegs of beer.
  30. Karaoke "ejector" stages.
  31. Opera glasses that broadcast ESPN.
  32. The Astronaut Reserves.
  33. Porno without all the "talking" filler.
  34. Head banging elevated to "fine art".
  35. All money spent on women tax deductible!
  36. Free BBQ buffet at the DMV.
  37. Passports to Margaritaville.
  38. The ability to telepathically force anyone to belch on the spot.
  39. One "Get Out of the Doghouse" card.
true football fan
 
 
Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No".

I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died."

"Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.

He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."


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