Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


all you can drink
 
 
A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half.
Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says, "I know it's none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the whole "drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one" routine?"
"Well," slurred the man, "There's a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it's time for me to go home."
never heard that excuse
 
 
A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch a Corvette," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 130 and finally 150 with the light still behind him. "What the hell am I doing?" he finally thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't particularly feel like doing more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Off you go," said the officer.

men
 
 
Have you ever read that married men live longer than single men?

What they don't tell you is that married men are much more willing to die.

the archaeologist's wife
 
 
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have -- the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

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