Men And Women jokes

What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?

Bubblegum (what were you thinking?)

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said,'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10-meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
'That was incredible!' she said.
'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along.' So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
'That was incredible!" he said. "Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.'

There was once a man whose wife had gone for a vacation. When she comes back from vacation and starts reorganizing her wardrobe, the wife finds that there are two panties in her dresser which do not belong to her. Seeing this, she gets very angry and calls her husband and asks him , "Whose panties are these?" Taken aback, he replies, "I have no idea"' She gets really irritated and asks him to tell the truth, and then calls the maid. She questions the maid and asks her who these panties belong to. The maid replies, 'Madam, how do I know? These panties don't belong to me. I don't wear panties, you can ask Sir, he knows it.'

You are so bald, that when you wear a turtleneck, you look like a broken condom.