Men And Women jokes

* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
* In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
* It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
* It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.
*Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
* If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
* It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
* We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
* If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
* It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself 'why on earth did I do that?'
* Some folks have it, some don't.
* Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
* Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
* Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

    A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island.  One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"

    "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

    "Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing.  Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.  The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

Q: Why don't they let Minnesota women go out with Wisconsin guys?

A: Have you ever seen a gopher hole after a badger has been in it?

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"