Men And Women jokes

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks." Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.

"The bad news is that the urine is from the Vice President."

"Al? How could you do this to me? What could be worse than this?"

"The handwriting's the first lady's."

'Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.'
'Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone!'
'Man who run behind car get exhausted'
'Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day'
'Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.'
'Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok'
'Man with one chopstick go hungry.'
'Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.'
'Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.'
'Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!'
'Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.'
'War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.'
'Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.'
'Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.'
'Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!'
'Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!'
'It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.'
'Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!'
'Man who sit on tack get point!'
'Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!'
'Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.'
'He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.'
'Man who farts in church sits in own pew.'
'Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion'.
'Crowded elevator smells different to midget."

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down the road one day. Her boyfriend suggests that they play road games and that whoever loses has to strip. They play every game known to man and the girl loses every time. Soon she is bare naked. The boy takes a long look and runs off the road. They slide into a tree and the boy is trapped in the car. He yells to his girlfriend, 'Quick, go get help!'

She says, 'I can't, I'm naked.'

He hands her a shoe to cover with. Desperately she covers her 'lower parts' and runs to the road. She flags down a truck driver and yells, 'Help me, my boyfriend is stuck.'

The truck driver replies,'Honey, if he's that far gone, I don't think we can get him out again!'

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."