Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


pleasure vs. disgrace
 
 
The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges, concluded, "...and remember, young ladies, you represent not only your own honor but that of the school. When approached by young men, ask yourself: Is an hour's pleasure worth a lifetime of disgrace? Now, are there any questions?"

A young lady immediately raised her hand and said, "Tell me, how do you make it last an hour?"

"honey, i can't perform!"
 
 
A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."

"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"

"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."

words from women
 
 
"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." -- Erica Jong

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." -- Rita Rudner

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." -- Dolly Parton

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -- Wendy Liebman

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to." -- Erma Bombeck

"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." -- Sue Grafton

"I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead." -- Sue Kolinsky

"I think -- therefore I'm single." -- Lizz Winstead

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -- Maryon Pearson

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug

"In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man; If you want anything done, ask a woman." -- Margaret Thatcher

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." -- Gloria Steinem

"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." -- Baroness Edith Summerskill

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" -- Linda Ellerbee

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." -- Gloria Steinem

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katharine Hepburn

on a deserted island
 
 
A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors of a shipwreck. They somehow find themselves on a deserted island. At first, Tyra wants nothing to do with the very average guy, but after a while they become friends, then lovers.

One day the guy asks Tyra to dress in his clothes and meet him on the other side of the island. Tyra is taken aback by the request, but eventually decides there is no harm in it and agrees. She waits for him on the beach, and he soon arrives. He runs up to her, breathless and excited.

"You'll never believe who I have been screwing!"


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