Men And Women jokes

There was a dentist, an electrician, a salesperson, and a carpenter that met everyday for breakfast at a low income diner. They were all married except the salesman. When he was married, he went on his honeymoon with his wife. The other three still met for breakfast when he was gone. An idea came up to play some practical jokes on the new married person.
"I'll make his bed slant so his bed will collapse when he is making love," said the carpenter.
"I'll hot wire his mattress so that he'll feel immence heat while making love.'
"Those are good ideas," said the dentist. "But I am not going to tell you what I'm going to do.'
The next day the salesman comes into the diner. He says "I congratulate you guys for making my bed collapse, and I thank you for making my bed really hot, but I'm going to kill the bastard who put novocaine in the vaseline."

Last 10 Things a Man Would Say:
10. I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
9. While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8. I think hairy armpits are really sexy.
7. Her breasts are just too big.
6. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That chick on 'Murder She Wrote' gives me a woody.
4. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
3. We haven't been to the mall in ages. Let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
2. Screw Monday Night Footbal! Let's watch Lifetime.
1. I think we're lost. Let's pull over and ask for directions.

The Last 10 Things a Woman Would Ever Say
10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of being just friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way.
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7. Hey…get a whiff of that one.
6. Please don't throw away that old T-shirt. The holes in the armpits are just too cute.
5. This diamond is way too big!
4. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
3. Wow! It really is 14 inches long.
2. Does this make my butt look too small?
1. I'm wrong, you must be right again.

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs.

"That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there.

"No," he said, "it's got teeth."

"Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!"

"Well, I'm not surprised," the man said."Not with gums like that."

10. Does this come in children's sizes?
9. No, thanks. I'm just sniffing.
8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7. Mom will love this!!!
6. Oh, the size won't matter, she's inflatable.
5. That's okay. You don't have to wrap it, I'll eat it here!
4. Will you model this for me?
3. Miracle what? This is better than world peace!
2. 45 bucks?! You're just going to end up naked anyway!
1. And the thing a man should never, ever under any circumstances say out loud in Victoria's Secret: Oh, honey, you'll never get your fat ass into that!