Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


rather go to prison
 
 
A woman woke up in the middle of the night and her husband was not in the bed. She heard him in the living room sobbing and weeping like mad.

She asked him, 'Honey, what is wrong?'

He replied, 'Well, remember when you were 15 and I was 19, and you got pregnant, and your father said I either have to marry you or go to jail for having sex with a minor?

Well, this is the day I would have gotten out of prison.'

gas grill
 
 
A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, 'Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.'

Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. 'Yep,' he said,' just what I thought, just about the same size.'

The wife became incensed and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, 'How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?'

The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. 'What's the matter?' he asked.

She replied, 'You don't think I'm going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?'

10 things men won't say
 
 
  1. Let's watch Lifetime!
  2. Sex is overrated.
  3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
  4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
  5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
  6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
  7. My hips are too big.
  8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
  9. Does this suit make me look fat?
  10. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
guess who?
 
 
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.

"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer."


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