Men And Women jokes

10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide?

9. If you were a naval captain, would you let me inspect your seamen?

8. This bra is so tight its uncomfortable.

7. You must know a good rain dance, cuz you're making me wet.

6. Excuse me my lipstick rolled underneath your seat, mind if I get under you?

5. I was thinking of volunteering at the fire department, could I practice sliding down your pole?

4. How many licks does it take to get to the center of your tootsie pop?

3. Stick it in!!

2. Either I just spilled my drink in my lap or I'm really happy to see you.

1. Your face reminds me of a La-Z –Boy, I could sit on it all day long!

An expectant couple were soon to have their first child. Their doctor told them of a new invention to relieve the mother's pain during childbirth. This invention could be attached to the mother and it would transfer the pain she experienced to the baby's father.

The couple talked it over and the husband was anxious to help his wife with her delivery. When the blessed time came, they opted to use the new invention. It was strapped to the mother and the dial was set at 1.

With the mother's contraction, the husband felt no pain. He asked that the dial be adjusted to 3. With the next contractions, the mother felt less pain and the husband tolerated the experience well.

The husband, feeling courageous and noble, asked that the dial be turned to 100%. The nurse did so and the mother completed the entire labor and delivery with no pain. The husband did not feel any pain either, and was certain that women had over-rated their plight in childbirth.

A few days later the happy new family returned home from the hospital. They were shocked as they drove into their driveway to see the mailman lying dead on the front porch.

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks 'If I drive 100 mph, will you take off your clothes?' and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flips over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend's clothes. All that is free of the car is the man's girlfriend and one of his shoes. The man yells, 'You have to go get help. Go to that gas station over there.' His girlfriend says, 'Are you kidding me? I'm naked.' 'Well,' replies the man 'Take my shoe over there, cover up yourself, and go get help.' So the woman covers herself with the shoe and goes to the gas station. She says to an attendant 'You have to help me. My boyfriend's trapped' 'I'm sorry ma'am' the attendant replies, 'he's too far in.'

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch."

Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically."

"Rubbish," says the girl.

"No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on."

The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on."

"Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."

"Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!"