Men And Women jokes

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one night. The wife rolled over and placed her hand lovingly on the chest of her husband.

"Honey," the wife said, "if I died would you get married again?"

The husband said, "Never, my dear."

The wife said, "I'm sure you would."

So the husband said, "Okay, I would"

"Would you let her sleep in our bed?" the wife asked.

And the husband replied, "I suppose so."

Then the wife asked, "Would you let her wear my clothes?"

"I doubt she'd want to," the husband said. "She'd be so much thinner."

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks on the door and his friend's wife answers. “Is John home?” he asks.

“No, I'm sorry,” she says. “He's gone out to run a few errands.”

“Would you mind if I came in and waited for a few minutes?” the guy asks.

So John's wife, who's wearing a robe, invites him inside.

“I can't help to notice how beautiful your breasts look in that robe,” says John's friend. “I will pay you $100 if I could just see them.”

The woman thinks it over for a moment and figures why not, it is $100. She opens her robe exposing her breasts as the man reaches for his wallet, pulls out a $100 bill and throws it on the table.

Shortly there after while drinking his coffee he says, “Your breasts are so beautiful, can I suck on them. I will pay you another $100 if you will let me.”

She once again thinks for a moment and thinks, “What the hell,” opens her robe, and the man spends at least five minutes on each luscious breast.

He then opens his wallet, grabs another $100, throws it on the table and says, “I can't wait any longer, I must get going. Please tell John I came by.”
About ten minutes pass and John comes home. His wife meets him in the hall and says, “Your friend came by, you just missed him, he left ten minutes ago.”
John replies, “Did he drop off the $200 he owes me?”

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at 'Lovers' Cove' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.

'NO!' yelled the blonde.

The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.

'NO!' the blonde yelled again.

Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

'Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?' asked the guy.

'For the last time, NO!' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, 'Well, why the hell not?'

The blonde looked at him and said, 'Because I wanna stay up here with you.'

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."