Men And Women jokes

One day, a little boy asks his father what the difference is between 'technically' and 'reality.'

"Son, I won't tell you the dictionary definition in fear that it will confuse you. But to help you out, I'll give you something to do. Go ask your mother if she will sleep with a bum for $500,000 and ask your sister is she'll sleep with the garbageman for the same amount." So, the little boy goes up to his mom.

"Mommy, would you ever sleep with a bum for $500,000?"

"You bet your ass I would!" exclaims the mother. So the little boy goes up to his sister's bedroom.

"Hey sis, would you sleep with the garbageman for $500,000?"

"I sure would!" exclaims his sister.

"Dad, Dad! Mom and sis both said they would. What does that mean?"

"Well, son," the father says. "Technically, we're millionares but in reality we live with a couple of dirty whores!"

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, 'Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'

'No. You had your chance.'

A minute later the boy screamed 'Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'

'No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'

'Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?'

Why do tampons have strings?

Floss.

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under a car's hood. For a male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes 'look bigger.' Male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.