Men And Women jokes

A: Lay em' right the first time and they'll stay with you.

1) Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2) You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3) The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4) Your man is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5) You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving- call 1-800-***-****."

6) Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7) You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

8) You're counting down the days until menopause.

9) You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10) The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, 'The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"