Men And Women jokes

A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. "Doctor," she says, "my husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually anymore." "Hmm," replies the doctor. "Have you considered taking a lover?" "I did that," she says, "and I'm still not getting enough sex to satisfy me." "How about taking another lover?" "I keep trying that. I have seven lovers plus my husband, but I still can't seem to get enough." "My goodness," says the doctor, "you're quite an anomaly." "Oh, thank God," says the woman. "Will you please tell them I'm an anomaly? They all keep calling me a slut."

A guy's been dating the girl of his dreams for several months, but he's been holding back his sexual advances because he's worried she'll notice his smaller-than-average penis. One night they're in his car, and he decides to finally make his move. After kissing for a while, he opens his zipper and guides her hand into his pants. "No, thanks," moans the girl. "You know I don't smoke."

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (212) 555-DIET" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?" "Twenty pounds," he replies. "We'll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator. About 9 a.m., there's a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading "If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me." The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He's lost 20 pounds! That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds." "We'll send someone over." The next morning, he's greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads "If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me." The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he's lost 50 pounds! That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 100 pounds!" "Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That's an awful lot." The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!" About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads "If I catch you…"

Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70?

A: Because 69's a mouthfull.