Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women

man beats dog
Why did God make men a little smarter than dogs?

So they won't hump your leg at a cocktail party.

taking the bullet
Two guys are drinking together, when one of them throws up all over himself. "Christ!" he says, "My wife ish going to kill me."

His friend puts his arm around his shoulder and offers him 20 dollars. "Don't worry," he says, "I'm your besht friend - give her thish and tell her that I chucked up on your jacket, and that I gave you thish money to get it cleaned."

"Fantashtic," says the first guy. "You're amashing, really the besht."

Arriving home, the poor guy's wife opens the door. "Where the hell have you been, look at the state of you..." she kicks off.

Quickly he replies, "Look love, it's not really my fault. Jack threw up all over me, but you know he's really a nice guy 'cos he gave me 20 bucks to get my jacket cleaned..."

"But there are 40 dollars here," she replies.

"Oh, yeh, I forgot to tell you," he says, "Jack shat in my trousers as well."

that's a good question
What's white and fourteen inches long?

Absolutely nothing!
to diet for
A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (212) 555-DIET" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?" "Twenty pounds," he replies. "We'll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator. About 9 a.m., there's a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading "If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me." The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He's lost 20 pounds! That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds." "We'll send someone over." The next morning, he's greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads "If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me." The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he's lost 50 pounds! That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 100 pounds!" "Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That's an awful lot." The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!" About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads "If I catch you…"

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