Men And Women jokes

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under a car's hood. For a male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes 'look bigger.' Male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

What's the perfect break-up present to send someone for Valentine's Day?

A copy of "Sex for Dummies."

Is that Windex in your pants?

Because I can sure see myself in them.

A guy enters a bar and he finds a friend of his. So he sits down with his friend and tells him, 'Friend, I got a dilemma.' The friend asks him, 'What's the problem?' He says, 'Well, I went on my honeymoon and I was excited because I would make love to her for the first time.' And the friend asks, 'So what is the problem?' 'Let me finish,' says the friend. 'When the time came, my wife took out her orthopaedic leg, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her arm, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her eye, and finally took off her hair and put them both in the closet.' 'Wow,' says his friend, 'and what seems to be the dilemma?' 'Well,' says the guy, 'I don't know if I should make love to her on the bed or the closet.'