Men And Women jokes

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Men And Women


before it starts
 
 
A man comes home from work and sits in his recliner in front of the television.
"Hey, wife!" he yells. "Gimme a beer before it starts!" She gives him his beer. Fifteen minutes pass.
"Hey, wife!" he yells. "Gimme a beer before it starts!" She gives him his beer. Five minutes pass.
"Hey, wife!" he yells. "Gimme a beer before it starts!"
"Hey, you've already had two beers in twenty minutes! Don't you think that's a lot? I'm not getting you another!"
"Now it starts."
the waiting room
 
 
This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband.

Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles.

Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer, at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, 'Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?'

"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open."

futurama
 
 
How does a man plan for the future? He buys TWO cases of beer.
sorortiy sister, nympho & hooker
 
 
What's the difference between a hooker, a nymphomaniac, and a sorority sister?


The hooker says, 'Are you done already?'
The nympho says, 'Oh no! You're not done already!?'
The sorority sister says, 'Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.'


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